What if Kevin McCallister from Home Alone grew up? Do you seriously think he’d be, um, normal?
Well, just in time for the holidays, we’re finding out. In a promo video for his new web series DRYVERS, former child star Macaulay Culkin is making an appearance as a rather unhinged Kevin who picks up a bewildered passenger who just wants a ride to the airport.
Instead, he gets a detailed account of what happened to Kevin on that fateful Christmas almost 30 years ago. You really can’t blame him; this is the kind of stuff that pays therapists’ light bills. How would you like to be left alone by your entire family when they went on vacation for the holidays? That would mess up someone pretty badly.
The video is called “Just Me in the house by Myself.” (Think about it). Wearing long greasy hair, stubble and a wrinkled plaid shirt, Kevin looks like he’s done some hard living.
“I think I’m in the wrong car,” says the passenger, played by Jack Dishel, who codirected.
No. Kevin’s wife had “done too much blow last night.” She gave the driving job to her husband, Kevin, who doesn’t know how to drive. At that point, passenger and driver switch places, allowing Kevin to start giving a blow by blow (no pun intended) account of just why he keeps ignoring calls from his mom.
“That’s ice cold dude,” the passenger accuses him.
No it isn’t, replies Kevin, not when your mom left you alone for an entire week at Christmas. “I was the cutest eight year old in the universe,” he adds.
“I had to fend off my house from two psychopath home invaders,” he continues. “I was just a kid. I still have nightmares about this bald weirdo dude talking like Yosemite Sam,” he said referring to Harry, played by Joe Pesci, who invaded Kevin’s home, along with his buddy Marv (Daniel Stern) in the original film.
After the entire story is laid out–and Kevin reveals that his mother was too late to come homo and get him because she was too busy being a “groupie to a polka band,” things get even weirder when the two of them are carjacked.
We won’t reveal any more, but we can say that Kevin puts his home-defense kills to good use. A basement torture dungeon comes into play at one point, too. I mean, when a kid drops a hot iron on somebody and makes them walk across broken glass, you know he’s not going to grow up to be a mild-mannered tax accountant. If someone messes with him (again) they’re going to feel his wrath.
It ends with a bouncy rendition of Jingle Bells–also, there’s blood. Kind of a lot of it. It really gets you in the holiday spirit. Watch below: